December 2011
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africans:
i better make sure to get on facebook tonight so that i can be informed when its 2012
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Operator: 911, please hold.
Me: Stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.
Murderer: ok
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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
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dream-within-reach:
lexical-gaps:
how does ariel’s red lipstick stay on if she lives underwater?
it’s really lip stain. that shit never comes off.
gerard-gay:
there iS A REASON I TYPE LIKE THIS
it buILDS UP THE EXCITEMENT
this is too boring
THIS IS OBNOXIOUS
look itS THE PERFECT BALANCE
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new year's resolution
2008: lose weight
2009: lose weight
2010: lose weight
2011: lose weight
2012: lose weight
me: did it hurt?
mom: what
me: when you blew through the earth, emerging from hell
mom:
moustachekurt:
Karp tells us to uninstall missing e
people ask other people what it is
more people install it
somehow i don’t think you thought this through, David.
sebastiansmythe:
rainbow road more like satan’s race track
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operator: 911 emergency what seems to be the problem
me: ther... there's someones in the house
operator: who is in the house sir
me: .......C...ory........
operator: .......
me: please help me
When I was 18 I wanted to fuck on the floor and break shit. When I was 25 I...
– Sylvia Plath (via moccasingrooves)